CONFESSIONS

If I hadn’t had a crush on you I would have never realized who or what I really was.

It finally began to sink in that I was in fact a nauseatingly romantic, believing in love at first sight, soul mates and fairytales kinda girl.

I was left feeling scared that I would never have a happy ending if I didn’t lose weight.

And I didn’t deserve it…

I was happy being the obnoxiously over-confident, fat, arrogant bully.

You brought out the soft, romantic, wanting-desperately-to-be-loved side of me.

And weren’t there to (forget cater to my feelings) realize I existed.

And I didn’t deserve it…

How much does it ask for you to stretch a few muscles and smile (or frown) when a girl (fat or thin) tells you she’s hooked on to you like a pin to a magnet.

You should know better than anyone else! You wanna become a fucking doctor for god’s sake!!

There I was feeling embarrassed, exposed and stupid…

And I didn’t deserve it…

You fucked my brain and left me to deal with it when in fact I didn’t know how to!

You turned a complete blind eye to your excruciating effect on me!

You looked at me like I was a pitiable creature.

You left me questioning myself!

And I didn’t deserve it…

You fucking turned a narcissist into a masochist.

So why couldn’t you be the man you proclaim yourself to be and face what you brought about.

I know I didn’t fall for a sissy, effete guy who is rumored to be gay!

Coz that would make me an idiot!

And I don’t deserve it…

But even after all this I still have hope that something good has to come out of this.

I mean, I wasn’t supposed to deal with so much pain for nothing.

Because that would leave me feeling pathetic too…

And that is yet another thing I don’t deserve…

And even though I’ve written a page long poem glorifying your faults and blaming you for my condition, I know it’s ultimately my gaffe!

I fell for a guy who didn’t like me and can never love me… I brought this pain upon myself, so I know I actually deserve every bit of it…