Not so Goofus anymore

Still in love and missing

Not devastated, just wreaking

A little numb, but mostly hurting

In a world of hollow pinning

Ashen dreams, puffed hopes  

Swallowed pride, drunken ego

All for what? And what not…

Just to embrace yesterday, and kiss goodbye tomorrow 

I’ve been deadened

When I started the journey I was happy

I wasn't thinking about the next turn

I just wanted to walk

Then I sprinted, then made a leap, of faith

I didn't know where I was headed

It didn't matter, so I went on

Then I reached a deadend

Now what? What's next I ask?

I contemplated long and hard

For what seems long and enough

I banged my head against the wall

Not so happy, not ready to be let down

Maybe I was strong; I could tear down the wall

But I happen to be wrong

The wall has its reason but then so do I

Neither is ready to give up, so we both put up a fight

But I guess it’s time I retrace my steps

This probably isn’t my track

I've known this for a while now but can I pave another course?

Why do the stakes seem so high now?

When I began I had nothing

When I ventured I had not a thing to lose

But when I look back now something's mine no more

My saving grace is- it wasn’t mine at all

That time, back home

I miss the freshly mown lawn

The dew damp grass under my feet
The splat-spat noise my chappals would make as I’d walk
To sit on the green, inclined slightly towards the left, swing
The way the breeze slapped itself across my face as I went against and then back towards gravity
The way my hair, in that moment, would gather the wind
And dance…
Oh dance... covering my face then letting go
As if to say peek-a-boo
The songs in my ears
Mostly ‘vanilla twilight,’ with its lyrics, my secret little wishes
Under the partially-visible, polluted starlit sky
And oh, the look on a passer-by’s face
Who I’m sure thought of me as phantom
Hopefully of his imagination
And who is to say I wasn’t
My spirit loved that occasion
My soul wants to reach out to it
I don’t just miss my home, my town
I miss what I was
Maybe I’m still perched on that swing for dear life
That life of my memories 

I wish I wasn't you

Today I wish you fought

I wish you didn’t just respect my feelings

I wish you looked me in my face and said what you were thinking

I wish you didn’t succumb

Today I wish you believed

I wish you understood yourself more than you did me

I wish you held me by the arm and shook me up

I wish you told me I was an idiot

Today I wish you didn’t let me go

I wish I didn’t have to realize what it’s like to be in your shoes

I wish I didn’t fuck it up

I wish it wasn’t the second time

Today I wish I wasn’t you

I wish I wasn’t you

I wish I wasn’t you

I wish I just wasn’t you!

Morbid, I am

Might just be the only writer who has nothing to write.
Mental block is not a term that’s applicable here because I know it’s not that.
I seem to be running out of ideas to think about;
So obviously writing will be left far behind.
Can’t really blame myself, well that’s just not who I am.
What do I pass on the buck to?
Who do I hold responsible?
Lack of creativity steams from within, it is state of mind.
Novelty is the key to productivity;
This might just be a lesser known fact.
Seem to have nothing that stimulates me,
That’s just how bored I am. Jumped from place to place,
Made leaps in retrospect.
But even that fell short of amusing me.
Should I perceive this as a cry of help?
Why do things not stay exciting?
Why does everything become routine?
And the moment you get comfortable, your blanket snatched away?
Well that should be enough to get my creative juices running…
But the fact staring me in my face is, I’m just left dry.

Guilt-Free Happiness?

There are absolutely no free lunches
No guilt-free bargains
No complimentary drinks
No real good deals

There is however a tussle against your ego
A fight against your will
A burden on your chest
A yoke getting you nowhere

There’s a price you pay for your happiness
A penalty absolutely unjust
A little something that just wants to get you down
And it’s little ‘coz it sees not your worth!

My Happiness vs Yours

Why would you choose anything else;
When you can have happiness instead.
What’s the point of being just a version of happy;
That which is a flawed adaptation of a mere idea.
My opinion is not like yours.
So no one’s really correct and no one’s wrong.
But here’s what seems tricky to me,
Something we wear blinders to.
With perceptions so diverse,
Can happiness be found by all?
And why should you judge me,
If I like my approach more?