UP YOURS!!!

So I don’t say what you want me to

So I don’t reciprocate your feelings

So I sometimes don’t understand what you’re going through

I always give it a try

Don’t expect me to change for you to be able to like me

Don’t expect me to sugar-coat my words

Don’t expect the world from me

I am not that kinda girl

Just who do you think you are?

Just what is your fucking problem?

Just don’t get on my wrong side

You’re gonna get hurt real bad!!

Why should I bend down backwards for you?

Why should I lick your ass?

Why should I do what you tell me to do?

I exist for myself

I don’t care for your attitude

I don’t care if you like me

I don’t care when you’re unnecessarily pissed at me

I like who I am

I am not a sycophant

I am not here to please you

I am not subservient to you

Bear this shit in mind

The next time you try to get the better of me

The next time you pick a fight

The next time you irritate me

I’ll walk away to never come back

No, I am not going to kill myself

I am not going to be a masochist

I am gonna mock you from a distance

I am a sadist bitch… hell I am!!!

REACTION

Shuts her eyes
And sees it all
Skips a beat
Smiles loud and clear

Opens her eyes
It’s all too bright
A tear rolls down
That drops to the ground

Clasps together her trembling hands
Purses her quivering lips
Wobbly legs
Make their presence felt

Looks around
He’s still there
Turns her face away
But it’s too late

The impact was forceful
It all comes back
Things unfold
Yet it’s all fuzzy

Walks away
A heavy heart
Mulls over it
Why this??

Let this pass
Oh please let this pass

CONFESSIONS

If I hadn’t had a crush on you I would have never realized who or what I really was.

It finally began to sink in that I was in fact a nauseatingly romantic, believing in love at first sight, soul mates and fairytales kinda girl.

I was left feeling scared that I would never have a happy ending if I didn’t lose weight.

And I didn’t deserve it…

I was happy being the obnoxiously over-confident, fat, arrogant bully.

You brought out the soft, romantic, wanting-desperately-to-be-loved side of me.

And weren’t there to (forget cater to my feelings) realize I existed.

And I didn’t deserve it…

How much does it ask for you to stretch a few muscles and smile (or frown) when a girl (fat or thin) tells you she’s hooked on to you like a pin to a magnet.

You should know better than anyone else! You wanna become a fucking doctor for god’s sake!!

There I was feeling embarrassed, exposed and stupid…

And I didn’t deserve it…

You fucked my brain and left me to deal with it when in fact I didn’t know how to!

You turned a complete blind eye to your excruciating effect on me!

You looked at me like I was a pitiable creature.

You left me questioning myself!

And I didn’t deserve it…

You fucking turned a narcissist into a masochist.

So why couldn’t you be the man you proclaim yourself to be and face what you brought about.

I know I didn’t fall for a sissy, effete guy who is rumored to be gay!

Coz that would make me an idiot!

And I don’t deserve it…

But even after all this I still have hope that something good has to come out of this.

I mean, I wasn’t supposed to deal with so much pain for nothing.

Because that would leave me feeling pathetic too…

And that is yet another thing I don’t deserve…

And even though I’ve written a page long poem glorifying your faults and blaming you for my condition, I know it’s ultimately my gaffe!

I fell for a guy who didn’t like me and can never love me… I brought this pain upon myself, so I know I actually deserve every bit of it…

Reading Between the Lines!!!!

I solemnly swear I’m up to no good!!
This is a product of pure boredom for the lack of want to do anything that could be productive, helpful or contribute to society in anyway!
I like to interact with people. I like to observe them. I like to observe myself. And because of this, I realized people don’t always mean what they say. So I thought it would be a nice idea to bring it all out in the open, at least for a few good laughs. If you nod at the screen after reading about five of the following sentence pairs, I’ll consider it a job well done.
A disclaimer for all those who’ve never felt exactly what I’ve mentioned in the italics…
YOU GUYS ARE REAL SAINTS!!!
Hah! Poor little babies, I’m, bursting your comfort bubble aren’t I… well at least now you’ll grow up a bit and see the world, the way it really is!! I’m sure you’re going to end up brooding over the last time someone said one of these to you. The bitch that I’m, I will make you wonder if those people meant whatever they said!

So here’s to a little more mistrust and pessimism!

Are you ok?
Dude what the fuck is wrong with you?? Get a grip on yourself… you’re not the only one suffering!!

I am fine!
Don’t you dare ask me how I am! I am a mess and your asking me again and again won’t help me!!

You are a really nice person.
Thank God your behavior isn’t as bad as your looks!!

I don’t want to talk about this right now!
I’ll wait for you to make your next mistake so that I can rub this in your face!
Aah… wouldn’t that be fun!!

Do what you want to do.
You better do what I’m telling you to do! Not because I care that much for you but because I don’t want to be the one you come crying to after you mess it up for yourself expecting me to clean it up for you… I’ll only say “all is well!” to reassure you.

All is well!
Dude, you’re screwed up!!
You’re so covered in shit that nothing can help you now except perhaps saying “All is well” and attempting to cushion the blow that’ll shake you up so bad you’ll want to kill the next person who uses the damn phrase on you again!!!!!


You don’t matter enough to hurt me!
Don’t do anything that would hurt me because I’ll be totally crushed if you did!!!

I need time to able to forgive you.
I want to make you work your ass off to please me!!!


I’m so happy for you.
My heart is like a piece of burning coal right now!! What did I do to deserve such an unhappy existence?

God bless you!
But I’d rather he blessed me first!

So you’re dating him/her?? (If the person this sentence is addressed to is bad looking)
Even he/she gets a girlfriend/boyfriend!! What’s wrong with me?

So you’re dating him/her?? (If the person this sentence is addressed to is good looking)
It’s the money! There’s no other reason for them to be together!!

You look… well… different…
The make-over back-fired! Hahahahaaha…

I’m a good listener.
GOSSIP!!!!!

I won’t tell anyone.
Just my besties!!

I was just joking/ I don’t know why I just said that/ I didn’t mean it.
I’m going to tell you what I think one way or another.

OK, fine, I’m sorry!
Now shut up!!

Tell me what happened… I may be able to help you…
I’m lying…I can hardly help myself!! It’s just reassuring to know there are more people as screwed up as me!!

I know I’m going to get into a whole lot of trouble for bringing this out in the open especially because I’ve said the above myself so many times but you really can’t hold me responsible. I’ve heard these from others too… we all have felt it and that’s what your conscience is telling you right now! It doesn’t make you a bad person, just a normal one. Besides you’re not like this with your closest friends so it’s all good!
This is just in good humor and it’s all I have to take your heart away…
Ok… whatever…
Quit reading… get back to work now… and leave a comment…

The Stupidity that Love is!!

Ok! So how many more romantic movies will I have to watch that remind me of "other" cute couples???!!!! Like when will I be able to say “awww… That’s like me and you…” Where is my “you”??? I mean how long do you have to wait to find someone who is loving, caring, good-looking, well-dressed, smells great, sensitive, patient and a good communicator??? Other people find these guys and are very happy!! So does it mean I have to lead a lonely existence for the rest of my life?? I get a lot of “stop chasing it and it’ll follow you” but seriously, how do you stop longing for that one thing you don’t have but everyone else seems to have and enjoy (sometimes in abundance).
It is strange how most of us single girls who’ve never even experienced being in love, yearn for it so much… it’s based on an abstract idea put into our head by others nauseatingly in love. I mean we miss something we’ve never even had!!
More than anything I like the idea of being in love. I define it as something that makes you high without your doing anything illegal or immoral… like every time you hear a song you, make this picture in your head about the “one” and it makes you smile stupidly from ear to ear… but really I wanna ask all those in love, how many times do you smile from ear to ear?? I’ve heard so many complain about those that they are in love with. And that’s when I feel I’d rather live happily with this weird, indefinable feeling than see my idea of love crash to the floor in smithereens!!
I mean what’s the point of being in a relationship with another person when you can be in one with yourself… you know what you expect and you can cater to your feelings better than anyone else. And you can prioritize yourself without feeling guilty!!! How awesome is that!!!
I know you can’t really hug yourself when you cry yourself to sleep or make butterflies flutter in your stomach but big deal… you can always get a pillow to hug and believe me there are ways to create the “butterfly effect” if you know what I mean. Nothing is impossible.

Twilight

Y?
I don’t know if I like or dislike Edward Cullen/Robert Pattinson!!

It’s the way he looks at Bella and acts around her… always so refrained and held back, it’s irritating. The look he gets on his face when he senses her scent for the first time makes you so uneasy just to watch him. This is not actually his fault as he is supposed to hold back his breath in order to not take in Bella’s scent. Thus, the look of constant vigilance that actually makes you feel uncomfortable looking at him.

The menacingly mysterious eyes that seem to probe almost insultingly! Edward, the gifted vampire reads minds and when you see him looking at others you get this feeling that he knows a little too well what they are contemplating. No, this doesn’t excite me, it creeps me out! And when he tells Bella he could read everyone’s mind besides her, you actually feel bad for him. “It’s very frustrating!”

His hair, styled to perfection... It is supposed to give the out-of-bed look which is ironic because vampires don’t sleep and Edward doesn’t so much as own a bed!

That crooked smile that gets me weak in the knees. A smile that would make you readily give up everything you own just so that it stays in place. I actually feel bad looking at regular guys who are not endowed with such perfectly imperfect features.

The way he shimmers in the sunlight in the most aesthetic way possible yet claims he hates it… it's annoying dude!! Ordinary mortals perspire in the sunlight and heat… we don’t have the option of being all sparkly! Imagine how diamonds would lose their charm if we all glittered!!

“So the lion fell in love with the lamb… Sick masochistic lion.”
Aah the way he loves Bella and hates himself for it (which is a major turn on). The way he tells her, “I don’t have strength to stay away from you anymore!” Dammit!! Find me someone like that too…

The way he feels so protective of her and would go to any lengths to ensure her safety, even if it were him she needed shielding against.

The way he kisses Bella for the first time… fuck! Its something we all want but he screams “stop” and completely ruins the moment for all of us! Then you’re also pissed at 'her' because 'she' gets to kiss Edward who is in fact Robert Pattinson!

In those moments when bella is wriggling with pain, the look of anger in his face coupled with his inability to do anything for her, drives you insane. And then even though he knows the solution he doesn’t wanna go ahead with it… aarrggghh... Stop being such a wuss… you know what she wants… do it!!

And then when he does reach out for her hand and starts to suck her blood to clean it of vampire venom, the look of frenzy and insanity has you gasping for air. It makes one question his loyalty and love towards Bella.


Robert Pattinson himself juggling two accents is sooo damn endearing.

It’s just the way he is… so impeccably gorgeous. Looking at him makes you feel unkempt… one feels just touching him (like that would ever happen) would dirty him, you wouldn’t wanna risk it!

So I don’t know if I have a problem with the character or the actor or if I have a problem at all! It’s just how he is so perfect even while portraying those faults and flaws that drive you crazy… tear you between your own mixed thoughts of him. Yes… everything about him does invite you in… his voice, his face, even his smell (well… I wish) as if you could outrun him! Damn you bloodless, arrogant, vampire played by a freaking Greek God!!!

Y? Being mature isn't as exciting as the process of growing up...

I was at barista with my friends who I hadn’t met for months and we were hanging out and having fun, talking and laughing until a guy stood up and ordered us in an irksome tone, “Can u guys keep it down!”
Being as thick skinned and imperturbable as we are, we turned a deaf ear to his rude remark.
When he and his friends finally got up to leave he left behind a message written on a tissue paper that had a few things like “you guys are horrible, need to learn social etiquettes, get enrolled in a finishing school” on it. He dropped it on our table and fled (the wimp that he was).
We went looking for him but he had run away, leaving me feeling pissed. But he did make me realize that I don’t want to act maturely… I am still learning! I am in that phase of growing up in which one is torn between the expectations that others have from you and those that you have from yourself. And sometimes I don’t like to care a damn about social freaking norms because they often eliminate the “fun” factor!
Yeah… I’ll follow rules when they are as much fun as breaking them…
Y?
Being mature isn’t as exciting as the process of growing up...
Because…

Spilling drinks, dropping chairs and just basically acting clumsy can result in some truly cherishable memories.

When laughter gets the better of and you fountain out your drink on your friends it causes you fits of laughter.

That kiddish way in which you tell your friends about you’re first crush, boyfriend or kiss makes the butterflies in your stomach hyper-active.

Puking due to boozing on an empty stomach is just so much fun.

The reaction you get for doing something maturely just by chance when people don’t expect you to is insane.

Not knowing how to work a fork and knife yet taking its “help” to eat is hilarious.

Sometimes being dumb is just kick-ass.

Being asked to be softer yet not being able to do so because you’re over-freaking-excited gives you a whole different level of adrenaline rush.

Making a fool of yourself isn’t always embarrassing.

Tripping is actually fun!

Laughing till your stomach aches in those pee-in-the-pants situations is amazing.

Blowing your nose loudly, sneezing, burping and farting can often cause a laughter riot.

Haven’t you ever bursted with enthusiasm because you want to let your friends in on the latest gossip?

Ever watched the episode of friends in which Rachel refuses to jog with Phoebe because she runs weirdly?

And haven’t Joey and Phoebe been the most loved characters on TV because they are weird, clumsy, childish and yet so damn endearing?

Not following rules can sometimes have life altering results.

Letting those tears out isn’t always a sign of weakness.

Pronouncing words correctly isn’t always necessary.

Sometimes acting silly and slapstick to bring back a long lost smile on a loved one’s face gives so much reassurance.

Laying down your head in your mothers lap no matter how old you are makes you feel invulnerable.

Sometimes all you want is to be saved.

Singing Christmas carols not remotely around the festival is fun.

Wanting to color your hair pink and blue is not all that weird.

Singing “tum toh thehray pardesi” in a falsetto is fun!

“hahaha” is not laughter enough.

Sometimes a bear hug can say it all…

No… it’s not about being mature… it's going through the process of growing up that’s so exciting; you never want to give it up. And no matter how many “etiquettes” a finishing school might teach you, it ultimately remains a farce… because there are always those times when you don’t want to be judged and just let your hair down. So what if you seem a little weird? You at least end up having a great time don’t you? And if you’ve never experienced this I can jolly well help you, i.e. if you’re not too much of a high maintenance tight ass that doesn’t wanna help themselves!